my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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