Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
