I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
