you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
