when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
