mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
