is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
