you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
