wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
