Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
