Your dad touched me again.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
