i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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