So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
