Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
