the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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