Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
