im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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