I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
