would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
4 words: hood of his car
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
