doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
