Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
