omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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