If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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