my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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