put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
