im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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