thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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