Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm at about main and main street
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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