Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
