She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
