i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
