I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
