I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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