Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
