i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
