Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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