I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
did i walk over a car last night?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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