He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
