I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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