The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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