My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
