based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
