Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
