Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
