i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
