yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
