Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
