Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
