Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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