I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
