I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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