There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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