My friends, they love my intelligence
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
