the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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