she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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