party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
