JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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