he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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