i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
