When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
how drunk are you?
Several
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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